Nightmares May Bring
by Averon
Summary: Waking from nightmares, a stolen kiss, dangerous thoughts and something's a miss... First ending complete, working on an alternate. Yaoi (duh)
1. Nightmare

Ok, It's 1:45 in the morning and I just woke up. I had been having this wonderful dream (that just so happened to involve the main characters in this story) and it changed on me!! I found myself sitting in a car with no roof or windows at night when I KNEW that all those funny shapes moving in the shadows were rabbits and groundhogs with rabies. I know it sounds stupid, but it's scary enough that I don't want to go back to sleep. shivers And I'm not lying about my nightmare. That's really what happened. That and the groundhog climbed trees....  
  
Hiei - stares  
  
Ok, back to the point. I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho, and I don't know what's going to happen in this fic. I just woke up for crying out loud. Hiei's thoughts may be OOC, but I think when he actually talks he'll sound like the fire-demon we all love.  
  
Warning – This story will be yaoi, though nothing serious. Hence the rating. points Mostly thoughts, from a Hiei point of view.

....  
  
"N-No!!" I said, sitting up. I doubt I said the words out loud, but they were the last thoughts I had in the dream. Which, thanks to the Jagan, I could remember all to well.  
  
No, don't think about that! It shows weakness! Or does not wanting to think about it show weakness? Or dreaming it at all? I shiver, pulling my cloak closer and assuring myself I had my katana, in case anything from my mind decides to present itself to this world.  
  
Not that that's possible. I think, trying to stop my body from trembling. God damn it. I flit away from the tree I had slept in, and decided to go to a place I felt safer. I kept my mind on more pleasant things then the dream, and forgot where I had set my course until I stood on a branch in front of the window. I blinked and sat down on the branch. I already felt better, safer, so I didn't need to go inside. Besides, none of the lights were on. The fox, and his whole family for that matter, were sleeping.  
  
I look up from my new perch into the window to see him. I felt my breath hitch, though you wouldn't have heard it were you next to me, and my heart start to beat slightly faster. He is beautiful. That's the only way to describe it. His blood red locks cascading across the pillow, with a few stray strands whispering across his face. I had a sudden urge to go move that hair away from his face so I could see its features better.  
  
I found myself standing close to the window again with my hand on the frame. No. This is stupid. I should never have let my guard down. I moved away from the window and sat again, watching the moonlight play across his face.  
  
I realize, sitting there watching him sleep, that I have let my guard down far too many times where the fox is involved. I've let myself think of his as a friend. And wish he were more.  
  
No! I will not let these stupid, weak, ningen emotions affect the way I think about my comrade.  
  
I blink and look back in the window and feel a slight smile pull at the corners of my mouth and quickly suppress the action.  
  
They already have...  
  
It was dark when I came, and it's dark now. I have no clue what time it is. Honestly, I couldn't care less. I have much more pressing matters to deal with then how long I've been sitting here. All of them involving the fox and my newly realized emotions.  
  
I'm not stupid enough to delude myself and think these feelings are new. I may not have realized I had them, but they were there before. I just wonder when they started and if I can get rid of them. No, how soon I could get rid of them. I'm a demon. I don't need emotions. I've lived with out them for this long, why would I need them now?  
  
I find myself wondering if that's true. Just because I never cared whether a creature lived or died before this doesn't mean I didn't have emotions. Maybe I'm just becoming too soft, sitting here. I've been yelling at myself in my head about weakness, yet I still sit here watching him. Mesmerized by his breathing, the way his hair's falling, even the slight smile that's playing across his face.  
  
I wonder what he's dreaming about. I watch his eye lids twitch and proceed to lift. A small frown replaces the smile as he sits up, rubbing the deep green eyes that I hadn't realized I'd been longing to see. He blinked again and stood, facing the window. He walks over to it and opens it, trying to see me. I'm glad it's my habit to sit in the darkest spot I can find.  
  
"Hiei, what are you doing here? It's—" He turns around to look at something in his room. "3:00 in the morning."  
  
I debate answering and watch his confused expression from my position. Even now his beauty's amazing, with the moonlight bathing his features, making his hair look paler and his eyes more vibrant.  
  
"I know you're there. You might as well answer; I can stand here all night." He peers unobtrusively into the shadows, trying to find my exact location, as if making eyes contact with me would make me answer truthfully.  
  
Hn. Stupid fox. I'll never answer that question correctly. How would I explain to him that I felt safe from my own dream here without revealing my newly discovered feelings for him?  
  
I may admit to myself that he means more to me then he should, but I'm not going to tell him that. He doesn't need to know. Besides, he would reject me. How could he not? I'm the Forbidden Child. I shouldn't even exist. How could any one not reject me? My own people did without a second thought...  
  
"Hiei?" His voice pulls me from my thoughts and I look to see his face contorted with worry. Why would he worry about me?  
  
I decide to answer to erase the expression from his features. He's too beautiful to worry about me...  
  
"Hn?"  
  
His eyes finally find my perch. He still can't see me, it's far too dark, but he knows where I am. "Why are you here?" He asks, sounding concerned. Why is he concerned? Why does he wonder?  
  
"Why?" I answer, monosyllabic as always. I'm not good at saying my thoughts out loud. Or anything else.  
  
He blinks as if he can't comprehend my question. He actually might not know what I meant. There are a few 'why's' I could be asking. I think I might be asking them all.  
  
"Why do I ask? Because you were training and I haven't sensed you around for awhile. Usually when you come here after training you're injured." He explains, not bothering to look in my direction but instead towards the moon. It's mostly full right now and reflects off his eyes.  
  
"Hn." I'm not hurt. I came because I was scared of a dream. Sue me.  
  
He frowns slightly. He's probably trying to figure out the thoughts behind the grunt. "Will you answer my question now? You're obviously not injured. I answered yours. Unless there's a different 'why' that you meant. In that case, be more specific."  
  
He has a point. I suppose I do owe him an answer. I sigh silently and try to find away to answer that doesn't expose me. If I let him find out, I'll just get hurt. Everyone else I let get close has, and I've let him closer. What can I do to explain my actions? I don't even know if I know why I'm sitting here right now. Sure, I felt safer, but why? Why did I set my course here? Why did I automatically go to him when I was scared?  
  
He smiles slightly before speaking. "Sometimes I wonder if you don't answer me because you don't want to or you can't. Or maybe that you don't trust me with the answer. Perhaps you find holding a conversation with me so bad as to hope to bore me away with unresponsiveness."  
  
My eyes widen slightly and before I know exactly what I'm doing I'm standing beside him in his room staring at him with my mask firmly in place.  
  
He blinks, surprised by my swift change in location. "Hiei?" He sounds confused. I can't see his face as clearly now, but he can see mine. The moonlight stings my eyes slightly as I stare into his shadowed eyes.  
  
I don't even think about my next move. My body seems to have a mind of its own right now. First bringing me to the fox's window, and then trying to get me to go in. It proceeded to make me enter his room, and now this. I stood on my toes for a moment to bring my face closer to his and swiftly placed a light kiss on his lips. Just as quickly I took a step back.  
  
"Go with the second." I state in a monotone and my body is yet again under my control. I feel my eyes widen slightly at my actions and see the look of disbelief on the fox's face. I flit away before I can see the rest of his reaction, putting as much distance as possible between him and me.  
  
Damn it! How could I do that? How could I let myself do that? He's going to hate me!!  
  
I allowed my self to stop when I reached Genkai's temple, and sat in yet another tree. Perhaps I'll try to sleep, but for some reason I think it will elude me for awhile. I hadn't realized how tired I was until now, but I doubt my thoughts will allow me much rest. I sit there with an appearance of calm and watch the sunrise peacefully over the trees and allow my thoughts to fight it out amongst themselves.

....  
  
That was.... Interesting. blinks I honestly wrote that as I went. I don't think that was very good...  
  
Hiei – stares at page You make me sound pathetic, onna. glares  
  
sigh I know. It's 3:00 in the morning. Give me a break. This was SUPPOSED to be a one shot, but if some people review and like it, I'll write more. It sounds like it's supposed to go on anyway.  
  
Well blinks Review, if you liked it I'll try to continue, if you didn't shrugs I won't write when I wake up from nightmares about rabid bunnies anymore.  
  
Goodnight!! And remember to review on your way out! points towards a door


	2. Why?

It is, for once, not the middle of the night. laughs  
  
Hiei – This chapter better not make me look like a baka.  
  
It won't. It's from the fox's point of view. Anyway, I need to appreciate my reviewers now. Note These are responses to reviews from fanfiction AND mediaminer. I don't feel like making to sets of authors notes.  
  
Blkwidow77 – Oo I didn't know you LIKED fluff...  
  
Zane Artemis – Unfortunately, you're not online so you won't get this before it's posted. evil grin I got back on maybe ten minutes after I got off. I still don't know what you like about fluff... shakes head, laughing DON'T SEND ANY CUDDLY LOOKING RABID BUNNY PICTURES!!! Please??  
  
Rebekah – Here it is. Like the way you spelled you're name, by the way.  
  
Ruby-dream – Glad you like! Your phrasing is weird, but I THINK I know what you meant... laughs  
  
Iuveniachick – Glad you like the story. You'll see what happens. So will I, actually... I didn't plan anything after this chapter so I'm kinda wondering just like you...  
  
Midnight Unicorn – I'm STUCK continuing it. I sent it to Zan and I think if I don't finish this one she'll kill me.... laughs But I'm definitely appreciate you asking.  
  
AnimeShadow - bows Thank you my dear friend. Do you compliment everyone like that? OO I don't think I write that well...  
  
Mayara-Kakoshi – I'm working on it. grins  
  
Last and certainly least...  
  
Neko – is laughing hysterically I told you it was yaoi and I didn't care if you didn't like it, but did you listen? NOOO... Considering this is my first flame, I think that's pathetic. Couldn't you at least complain about my writing style instead of just telling me you're prejudice against gay relationships? I mean, come on. Be more original. If someone warns you about something you don't like and you read it and don't like it, why bother saying so? It was obviously anticipated. Give me a break. puts review in memory book to laugh at always  
  
Ok, now that that's over. I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho, which I think is obvious. This is fanfiction. Kurama may be OOC because I don't think I'm any good at writing him. I relate better with Hiei.  
  
Hiei – Hn.  
  
Anyway, this is yaoi. I already said that. And, again, nothing really happens. So far in this story, this goes for both chapters; there is one kiss from two points of view. Oh yeah, and if anyone else pulls a neko and tells me they hate yaoi, I don't give a damn. Already said that too. I'm thinking about making a wall of shame for this story if anyone else is stupid enough to tell me they have a problem with yaoi. I don't mind flames, but I told you this was yaoi in the summary. You shouldn't read it if you don't like it.

.

I'm running through the forest, as fast as my legs would carry me and grinning from ear to ear. I swished my tail and slowed down, chuckling. The guards that had been chasing me would never catch up. I'm too fast, and too good at covering my trail. I toss the necklace I had stolen in the air and catch it again, hiding it in my long, silver hair.  
  
There's a flash of light in the clearing I had been about to enter, so I quickly climb a tree and peer between the branches trying to detect the source. Ahh... It was a reflection off that sword. I think as I try to get a good look at the wielder. All I could see now was that he was short, not wearing a shirt, and had spiky black hair. I sit and watch the figure go through his exercises. He was graceful, amazingly so, and incredibly fast. He looked as if he was dancing.  
  
He turns around, following the steps only he knows and my breath catches in my throat. "Perfect..." I breathe and stare in utter fascination, burning him into my mind. His hair has a snow white star-burst in the front that contrasted greatly with the black. He wears a white headband to match that had been covered by his hair in the back. He is well built; VERY well built, as if he has been training his body to perfection his entire life and has achieved it. What catches my attention most, though, are his eyes. They are the most perfect shade of crimson I have ever seen, and seem to change shades all the time; first going darker, then lighter again.  
  
I feel the hair on the back of my neck stand up. Someone's watching me... I open the eyes I hadn't even realized I'd had closed and I'm in my room. I frown slightly, unable to get the feeling to go away. I extend my awareness until I feel a familiar youki outside my window. It's amazing. First I have a dream about Hiei, and then he appears magically in the tree outside my window. I think sarcastically. I hope he's not hurt...  
  
One way to find out... I rub my eyes and sit up. Blinking to clear my vision, I walk to the window and open it, peering into the shadows trying to detect movement. I wish he didn't always sit in the darkest shadows...  
  
"Hiei, what are you doing here? It's—" I turn and look at the luminous alarm clock that's on my desk, "3:00 in the morning." I look back into the shadows trying to see him. I would feel so much more comfortable if I could see him, but not because he makes me uncomfortable. Quite the contrary, I feel safest when he's around. I know he'll guard my back no matter what, but I want to know if he's injured right now!  
  
"I know you're there. You might as well answer; I can stand here all night." I add. I want to meet his eyes. Maybe then I can get him to answer. Not that it'll work.  
  
He has got to be the most stubborn person I know. That's one of the things I like about him. Of course, I definitely like the way he looks, but I can't see him right now. He's hiding, as usual. I have been hoping that maybe he would thaw some and perhaps talk after he got more comfortable around me, but it doesn't seem like it's going to happen. He's my best friend and I'm in love with him, but he still won't tell me why he's sitting in the tree outside my window. He is the most perfect being I have ever met... And He doesn't even trust me.  
  
"Hiei?" I ask as I try to mask my concern, though I can tell my mask is failing miserably. I feel like I'm going to cry. If he's hurt and he won't tell me because that would be 'admitting weakness' I'll slit his throat. Then I'd heal it again, but that's beside the point.  
  
"Hn?"  
  
I blink and my eyes lock on his approximate location. I can't see him, but at least I know where he is now... Wait, he answered?  
  
"Why are you here?" I ask kindly. I don't want him to think I don't want him here; I just want to make sure he's not hurt.  
  
"Why?" He answers my question with a question.  
  
I blink, slightly confused. Hiei has a way of asking the vaguest questions at the oddest moment. This time I think it's a pretty straight forward what he wants, but I remember once when Hiei, Yusuke and I were walking in the park talking about a mission and he asked 'why?' and wanted to know why ningen's liked balloons. For all I know he might have come here to find out 'why?' they make cakes and celebrate birthdays, and he actually just answered me.  
  
I stare at the moon and answer the most obvious question and hope that's what he meant. "Why do I ask? Because you were training and I haven't sensed you around for awhile. Usually when you come here after training you're injured." I hope that's what he wanted to know...  
  
"Hn."  
  
I feel a slight frown spread over my face and I wonder what exactly he meant. I wish he would answer in words sometimes. Wait, no I don't... Then he wouldn't be Hiei anymore... Besides, it makes things more interesting if I have to guess what he means. God, I'm in deep...  
  
"Will you answer my question now? You're obviously not injured. I answered yours. Unless there's a different 'why' that you meant. In that case, be more specific." I hope he'll answer me. At least he's not hurt, but now I'm curious. If he doesn't need something, why is he here? Why would he come in the middle of the night and sit outside my window if he's not hurt? His questions are rubbing off on me.  
  
As the silence stretches on it hurts. I know it sounds stupid, but I feel like by not answering me he's showing just how little he trusts me, and it hurts; badly. I let an ironic little smile show on my face before speaking again.  
  
"Sometimes I wonder if you don't answer me because you don't want to or you can't. Or maybe that you don't trust me with the answer. Perhaps you find holding a conversation with me so bad as to hope to bore me away with unresponsiveness." I hope that doesn't sound as melodramatic as I think it did...  
  
Suddenly there's a gust of wind and a black blur and Hiei's standing beside me in my room with a blank look on his face. I blink and try to hide my surprise.  
  
"Hiei?" I haven't the slightest idea why he just decided to show himself. This seems incredibly un-Hiei-like.  
  
He takes a quick step forward looking straight in my eyes then he kisses me and steps back again. Wait, he kissed me??!  
  
"Go with the second." He says in a monotone, but I can see a slight smile on his face I doubt even he knows is there. All I can do is stare as his eyes widen almost imperceptibly and the slightest blush crosses his features before he flits out my window and into the distance.  
  
I stare out the window at the spot where he disappeared from my vision. I can't seem to do anything else. I stand there for a long time, until the sun touches the horizon, before I can even move again. A smile spreads across my face and my hand touches my lips.  
  
"He kissed me..." I whisper and start to laugh. I can't help it. I've never been this happy in my life! I swear if I jumped out the window right now I'd fly. I spin in a circle, not bothering to hush my laughter and come to a rest with my elbows sitting on the window sill, a hand still to my lips. I finally stop laughing and stand there, smiling like an idiot and watch the sunrise, one phrase going through my head again, and again.  
  
He kissed me...He kissed me...

.

makes a face I REALLY don't think I'm any good at writing Kurama... Oh well, you wanted a second chapter, here it is.  
  
Hiei – Even if it's terrible.  
  
nods For once I agree with him. I suck at writing Kurama.  
  
Ok, that's it. Thanks for reading, please review!! 


	3. Dangerous Thoughts

I am, once again, writing in the middle of the night. I woke up from another weird dream, so I came here and what do you know, I write a chapter. Weird... This time it wasn't about rabid bunnies...  
  
Hiei - yawns Baka onna! Why do you always have to wake me up as well! You don't need me to write this nonsense!  
  
rolls eyes I suppose he has a point, but it wouldn't be near so much fun if he wasn't here.  
  
Hiei - glares Why are you talking like I'm not here?!  
  
grins I thought you were going back to sleep.  
  
Hiei - blinks and leaves the room  
  
Now that he's gone, and presumably happy, back to business. Appreciating my dear reviewers... sigh  
  
**ZAN** Artemis - whimpers I accidentally pressed 'correct' instead of 'add to dictionary' GIVE ME A BREAK!!! laughs And if Kurama thinks he sounds stupid... Well, I agree with him. But I wrote it so I should feel worse, no? Later Sis.  
  
Kookaburra – I highly doubt that this chapter is what you had in mind... Or anyone else (including me) did for that matter, but I hope you like it anyway. sings Kookaburra sits in the old gum tree... coughs Sorry about that...  
  
Jus Kita Again – Thanks! waves And I like your name too, it's different.  
  
Touya4me – I realize or I wouldn't have written this, would I? Wish granted. waves a fake wand  
  
Icedragonkatana – You know, you're the only person who mentioned anything that happened in the chapter? That's refreshing... Glad you liked that visual... I thought it was sweet to have Kurama go all happy-joy-joy and spin for us. giggles It was too tempting. And I'm glad you liked the dream (I think. I use the word 'interesting' for a lot of things, so I'm not entirely sure what you meant).  
  
Kuruna Icefire – Thanks... I don't get Kurama as well as I do Hiei, and I'm not talking about the way I write them. I can see through Hiei's eyes and why he does stuff better then Mr. I'm-perfect-and-live-behind-a-mask. He's more difficult.  
  
Shizuru – Come on!! It isn't THAT confusing!!  
  
Kira – Thankies!!  
  
Chrisoriented – Here's your update.  
  
Thank you all again, I love reviewers... They make me smile. Like I told Kookaburra, This probably isn't what any of you had in mind... Hiei went weird on me. I tried to use the advice Zan gave me in an email, but it didn't turn out like that. I rather like it, but I don't know if you guys will or not. is really nervous Here it is, chapter three...

I am a fool. He probably hates me for that...  
  
I sigh and jump down from my perch. The sun had completely risen and that was the only conclusion I'd come to. Pathetic... The Fox is going to be angry when he next saw me. I know it; and considering how I usually act, I have no excuse.  
  
"Onni-san!" I look behind me and there's Yukina. Great, now she's going to ask what's wrong. I should never have told her I'm her brother... "Onni-san? What's wrong? You look like you haven't slept..." I knew that was coming.  
  
"Hn. That's because I haven't." Or, because I have but I had a nightmare and went to Kurama's house and kissed him. Now he hates me. That about sums up the mess of my life at the moment; come back later for updates.  
  
I watch my sister and her face softens. I know she couldn't read my thoughts, but she must have seen some of that through my eyes. Terrific, I forgot I couldn't completely control the expression of my eyes. "Hiei, you have to sleep sometime. If you don't you won't have any energy and you'll get injured in a fight!" Or maybe she didn't. She's always been overly concerned about health issues; must be the curse of the healers.  
  
"Hn." I give her a very clear 'like I care' look and flit into the forest. I can't put up with her right now. She's my sister and I'll protect her to the grave, but she's to empathic. Even if she hasn't figured out something deeper then petty fatigue is involved yet; which I doubt; then she would figure it out were I in contact with her for very much longer.  
  
I stop by a lake deep in the forests around the temple. It really is somewhat mystical here; even I have to admit it. It's just past dawn and the sun's shining perfectly through the trees to accent the mist hanging lethargically above the water. There are a variety of mosses clinging to the boulders that sit spread around the perimeter; all of them brilliant shades of jade and emerald. The boulders themselves seem to have been placed here like seats for the casual passer-through to sit upon to admire the true beauty of this place.  
  
It doesn't even hold a candle to Kurama...  
  
I sit hastily upon a nearby rock and bring my knees up to my chest. Thinking that hurts, knowing that he probably wants to kill me right now. Not that I don't believe he has the right. I shouldn't have done that. I've screwed myself over for life. I wish there was a snowball's chance in hell that he could possibly feel the same about me that I do about him.  
  
I hug my knees and crash my forehead on them. I can feel hot liquid gathering behind my eyes begging to escape. I don't cry. No matter how tempting it is. No matter how much it feels like what little of a heart I seem to possess has been torn out and stepped on. I shouldn't feel like this! The Fox didn't do anything! He just stared at me as I ran away! Isn't that to be expected? I did do something out of the ordinary. So, even if he did have feelings for me, wouldn't he have stared anyway?  
  
But you already know he doesn't like you. That's why it hurts. You have been rejected and you know it.  
  
I bite my lip to prevent the tears from scorching my cheeks. It doesn't matter that he doesn't care about me. I can live with this. It's nothing important, after all. Just a ningen weakness I've acquired by spending too much time here in the ningenkai and with the Fox. I don't need for him to care about me. I don't need him at all. I don't need anyone.  
  
Then why does it hurt so much?  
  
I blink and feel twin tears run down my face. I watch, fascinated, as they fall and crystallize before ever landing. They're black. I didn't think that Koorime tear gems could be black. Then again, I'm not completely Koorime. I'm probably the only creature in existence that can cry black tear gems.  
  
Great that means anyone who finds them will know I have a weakness of some sort. I have to hide these.  
  
I pick up the gems after staring at them for what seems like hours and place them in a hidden pocket in my cloak. It actually might have been that long. The sun has risen so that's its nearly straight above me and the mist has dissipated. I should leave now. Go somewhere else. I wish I knew a place I could go. Usually on a day like this I'd go to the Fox's house and get a lesson on ningen society. It is a weekend, after all.  
  
I can go back there...  
  
I jump suddenly and pull a ringing compact out of the folds of my cloak and throw it to the ground as if it's burned me. It doesn't break. I suppose I should be grateful. Daintily, I pick it up by the side and flip it open.  
  
"Where are you, Hiei? I thought I told you we're having a party, but Keiko said I forgot. It's tonight and starts at 7:00. You coming?" It's the detective. Why the hell would I have any desire to go to an impromptu ningen celebration?  
  
"Hn. Why should I come?" I think I would have gotten my point across clearer if I cussed.  
  
"Everyone's coming! Come on, Hiei, It'll be fun! We'll have icecream and everything!" Yes, Yusuke, but I don't feel like eating sweet snow today. I glare at the little screen that shows his current expression and glare at it. Sometimes I really wish you could kill people with a look.  
  
The detective looks startled. Funny, my glares usually don't affect him. "Hey, what happened? You look like shit." My eyes widen the second time today showing surprise. It can't be so obvious that even this numbskull notices can it?  
  
"It wouldn't be any of your concern even if something was bothering me. Go bother some one else." I make to close the annoying communicator when the detective yells again.  
  
"Wait! You didn't answer me! Are you coming tonight or not?" He looks so hopeful. How sad...  
  
"No." I state calmly and close the stupid thing. I stuff it in another pocket after resisting the strangest urge to destroy it. That would probably add more time to my parole. It's not worth the effort.  
  
How did he know something was wrong?  
  
I walk over to the edge of the lake and look at my reflection. I really do look like shit. There are dark circles under my eyes that have never been present before, no matter how many days it's been since I slept. It must be the effect of the stupid emotions. How can something as intangible as a feeling possibly show so much on anyone's features, let alone mine. I've spent my entire life suppressing any and all forms of facial expression, and now I look tired and depressed even to my own eyes.  
  
What's happening to me?  
  
I touch my face lightly with the tips of my fingers in time to feel another set of tears sliding down my cheeks. I wipe them away quickly, hoping that there's no way anyone could witness this. I am weak right now. Terribly so. I need to get myself back under control. This shouldn't be happening! How could I have let myself feel that way towards the Fox? How could I let myself kiss him? Why does this have to hurt this badly? Surely, death isn't this painful! I feel as if someone has ripped me open with a spoon and strewn my insides all over the ground so that the world can see what I'm really made of. How weak I really am. I hate this feeling.  
  
Wait, death is an idea, isn't it?  
  
I stop pacing. I hadn't even realized I'd moved. That's been happening a lot recently. I could end it all, couldn't I? It would be so easy, and there are an amazing variety of ways to do so. You can be as average or creative as you like in suicide. It's your final message to the world, if you think about it. You can show them all almost anything you want by the way you choose to end it all. The location you choose can mean some thing, as well as the tool you choose to rid your body of whatever meaningless existence used to possess it. You can make your death painful, or quick. You can do it in the presence of others, or when you're completely alone. And for the creature who wish it, you can leave a note telling everyone exactly why you decided it's not worth living any more. Yes, suicide is defiantly an idea.  
  
Do you want to end it yet? Don't you have something you're supposed to do?  
  
Oh, yes. Of course. I swore a long time ago that I would protect Yukina, didn't I? That means I do have a reason to live, even if the prospect isn't pleasant. Even if it hurts so badly I can't stand the thought of confronting any being. If I have to continue, I don't want to have to speak to anyone. I wish I hadn't sworn to keep her safe. She might not be a fighter, but she can take care of herself in most situations. But if she were to get injured in the ones she can't handle, or die even, I'd never forgive myself. Even if I had already passed on.  
  
Isn't there someone who would be perfectly willing to take your spot? Someone more then happy to keep her safe?  
  
I sad smirk plays across my face. It figures really, that the Baka should end up being the person I feel I can trust the safety of my sister to. He isn't all that bad, after all. He does care for her a great deal. If she were to get injured while he was supposed to be watching her, he would be harder on himself then even I would. Yes, he is a good choice, despite how much he annoys me. He would take care of her. To him, there is nothing more important then her happiness.  
  
Does that mean you're going through with it?  
  
Yes. I am. I just need to talk to the Baka and tell him what he has to do. Too bad this will make him think I approve of him. Looks like I'm going to the party tonight. The sooner I finish this, the better. Maybe I should end it there, in front of everyone. No, that's not my style. I'll just tell the Baka I'm leaving and to take care of Yukina. There's no way he's smart enough to realize that'll I'll be leaving this life. Then I can leave and they'll find my body sometime later. Probably not for days.  
  
It's not like they'll care, anyway. You don't mean anything to them.  
  
I feel more water rolling down my face and I can't even bring myself to stop its decent. I stare unseeingly at the lake as small black gems fall to the forest floor. They thud lightly on the ground and come to rest quietly in the nearest little indent in the ground. If no one touches them, they would be content to sit there for all eternity.  
  
Why couldn't they have just left me alone? Why couldn't I have finished my life like I had started?  
  
I lean done and pick up the gems. My hand shakes lightly as I look at them. There a three in my hand and two in my pocket. I place the newest editions with the originals and stand, facing the lake, with a look of grim determination on my face. I find that once a conclusion is sought for and found that waiting just makes you unsure. Right now all I need to do is remake my mask. That will take up all the excess time between now and the beginning of the party. When I show up, I'll be late and I'll act like I always do before I talk to Kuwabara. I'll have to try not to think about what I'm about to do. That could only shake my resolve. Nodding to myself, I flit away from the lake to end upon the top of a nearby mountain, also mystical in its way. I sit down and close my eyes, carefully remaking all the walls that have been destroyed.  
  
I will end it tonight.

  
  
is trying not to cry I really wish he wouldn't do that. Geeze...  
  
Hiei - comes back What are you talking about onna?  
  
Nevermind. Thanks for reading, please review!  
  
Bye.


	4. One Last Time

Hey again, I wrote this yesterday, but it seemed wrong to post two chapters in a day. I wanted to see how many reviews I'd get anyway. grins Gods I love you guys, reading reviews makes my day. Even if you all do think I'm mean for making Hiei go off the deep end... I LIKE angst...  
  
Hiei – Hn. Baka onna.  
  
rolls eyes Not worth it. Anyway, time to appreciate you guys so you don't leave!!  
  
Chrisoriented – So I'm a meanie and I rock. That's odd... laughs Here's your update, sooner then expected, probably.  
  
Rebekah – Here you go, still love your name.  
  
Bar-Ohki – Don't hurt me!!! hides under the computer table I got a new chapter, will that help??? shivers I'M TO YOUNG TO DIE!!!!  
  
Kira – I hope I don't kill Hiei too... honestly doesn't know exactly how this is going to end That wouldn't be good, would it? Then Kurama would be sad... Not to mention everyone reading this would kill me...  
  
Crazy Clown – Tell me about it... He has this whole 'I'm-a-forbidden-child- so-no-one-can-love-me-thing' going on. Kurama can fix that. nods The question is, will he?  
  
Zan Artemis – Don't let your family kill you. I don't feel like losing my twin anytime soon. grins Kurama's possessive, no? Watch your back, Sis; he just might take you out if he knew you were starting to like his boyfriend. Do you really think he likes me any better??!  
  
SW – dances I love compliments!!! And finally, someone agrees that Kurama sounds OOC in the second chapter besides me and Zan!! Or, at least, someone else mentioned it... Here you go, new chapter.  
  
AnimeShadow – This soon enough? Don't expect the next one this quick, I seem to have reports I'm supposed to be writing at the moment, might take a week.  
  
Spazishness – Thankies!! And I like your name too!! If I didn't like mine so much I'd change it...  
  
Ok, warnings and disclaimer. I don't own anything but the plot. I still think saying that's stupid because this is fanfiction, but whatever. If it keeps my stories on, then I'll do it. This is yaoi. If at this point you've still failed to realize this, you're stupider then Kuwabara. That's saying something. There are suicidal thoughts in this chapter, like the last. If you don't like any of this, I can't say I care. I'm also in a sarcastic mood, so please be forgiving and ignore my cruel comments. I hope you like this!! Chapter 4...

.

Finally finished...  
  
It took hours to reconstruct my mask. Far longer then it should have, though I expected the delay. Every time I had it almost finished I thought of Him and it crumpled again... I can not let this happen anymore. This will be fixed, the only way it can...  
  
I stare out across the mountain range. This is one of the highest peaks. Its sunset now and the valleys are beautiful with the night mist creeping in and the leaves on the trees glowing the brilliant red of the setting sun. There is a river running through a ravine in the center. It looks so dark, deadly, yet welcoming in its way. It promises many things.  
  
It's not time yet. Later, settle your affairs first.  
  
I sigh and finish watching the sunset. I haven't dome anything like this in a long time. I've been too busy trying to protect people who don't give a damn what I do. That changes now. I'll do what I please, even if it isn't what I'd have chosen before. As far as I'm concerned, there is no other way. Well, not without...  
  
Stop it! That can't happen and you know it! You've decided; don't turn back on your word now. You've never broken a promise, now is not the time to start.  
  
I obey the little voice in the back of my head and just stare out over the valley, watching the sky fade from red to an orange to a deep violet and fade into an amazing midnight blue. The colors themselves could have meanings, sent to the people on this earth by the gods. The red could be many things, to be interpreted by the viewer; love, blood, death, joy, courage, longing, wrath, romance. It all depends on your point of view. Orange can mean deceit, desire, or aggression. If you think about it, all these things go together. Violet can be royalty, gloom, and romance. Amazing really all the things colors are associated with. Makes you wonder where their meanings were originally defined. The blue... It could be healing, understanding, power, seriousness. Usually I like blue the best, it being the darkest of the colors present, but today it doesn't suit me at all. If I didn't know the gods of this realm personally, I would be tempted to believe the messages I've seen today... It's so clear to me right now... If only it were true...  
  
Don't be ridiculous. When have you ever believed in fortune telling? The colors in a sunset are just that; colors. They aren't messages from anyone. You are deluding yourself.  
  
I sigh silently and turn away from the valley. I'm reading into everything deeply right now. It's hopeless and I know, but my subconscious is trying to make me doubt my decision. It's final, already! I said I was going to, so I will. I only have one thing to take care of, and then it will be time.  
  
I nod and flit towards the temple, stopping briefly at the lake to check my reflection. I look like always do, on my face nothing but a blank stare and eyes that hold more expression then I want to think about. I can see my decision in my stare. I just have to hope no one looks too closely. Oh well, avoiding people has always been one of my specialties.  
  
I run the rest of the way towards the temple. Granted, the detective didn't tell me the location, but it's obvious. Where else would he host such a thing? He can be terribly predictable. I stop outside a window and peer inside. Just as I thought, they're all there.  
  
Wait!! "Everyone will be there!" No... He can't be. I can't face him. I can't. My mask will break. I can't let that happen. I have to leave.  
  
"Hey, shrimp! You came! Urameshi said you weren't coming! Don't worry, Kurama'll be here later. He said he's coming around 9; he had to help his mom with something." It's the Baka. Strange, but he's put my worries to rest as well as being, for once, just the ningen I wanted to see. I feel myself relax drastically and jump in the window. He looks surprised. That's not a wonder; I usually refuse to pass through any small space with him in the vicinity.  
  
"Hn. I'm not staying; I came to ask a favor of you." I look into his eyes and repress a long standing habit to glare. I have to keep my expression blank. Any emotion could give me away. No one must know.  
  
The Baka is visibly taken aback. If this wasn't a matter of utmost importance I would be enjoying this greatly. "Wh-what do you want to ask me?! I thought you hated me!!" Great, he's scared. Perfect, this will show him how important it is for him to obey.  
  
"I do, however I think that you are the only person who will take what I'm going to ask seriously and be willing to comply." I stare at him and watch as he steps back. I'm scaring him. It almost makes everything stop hurting. Almost.  
  
"Uh... Are you feeling ok? If you hate me, why do you want me to do you a favor?" He just doesn't get it, does he?  
  
"Just because I hate you doesn't mean I don't believe you have your uses. Now are you going to listen or not?" I'm sick of his stupidity. I need to finish this quickly. It's 8:50, and the Fox is never late. I might stick around in the shadows to see him once more, but he mustn't see me. Never again. I don't think I could possibly do anything but freeze and break down completely if I were to see the look of contempt I've surly earned.  
  
"S-sorry! I just think it's really weird that you aren't asking Urameshi or Kurama to help. Uh... what do you want me to go?" There's a sharp knife in my chest right now that twists whenever his name is mentioned or any memory of him crosses my mind. I can see the detective as worry flashes across his features and he begins to cross the room heading in our direction. I must finish this now.  
  
"I want you to look after Yukina. I'm leaving and I don't want anything to happen to her. If you allow her to be injured in any way, I will slit your throat and remove your vocal chords. Understood?" I stare blankly, but feel the fierceness in my eyes. I'm not lying, but that's only the beginning of what I'd do.  
  
"Sure, I'll protect her! You can count on me!!" He completely missed my threat. I suppose you can't win them all...  
  
"Hn." I nod and flit through the window just as the Detective is about to reach my previous location. I want to stay for a little while, hidden in the trees with my ki masked. I want to see him, one last time...  
  
This is foolish.  
  
Then I'll be a fool this time. I want to see him. I perch myself on a branch near a different window then the one I entered by. I wait for what feels like hours, my eyes lazily scanning the party. The detective looks like he's trying to gather a force to go after me. That's just like him, to figure out my plans before I can pull them off. He won't start anything until He gets here though. I know it; he's not foolish enough to do other wise.  
  
He's coming!!  
  
I can feel him approaching the temple door. In moments he will enter the room. I will see him again. Once more.  
  
The door opens and everyone turns around and waves. Kurama, for once I think his name, walks calmly it the room with a smile upon his face. I feel my heart throb and finish breaking at last. He is the most beautiful creature I have ever set eyes upon, and I stole a kiss. I didn't mean to, but the fact is still there. I could kill myself for taking anything from him.  
  
Wait, I am, aren't I?  
  
His hair falls casually across his face and he brushes it away; his eyes shining. I wish he were ever that happy to see me. I feel hot tears pour from my eyes and fall to the ground, scorching my skin as they run. I turn to run from this place. I can't stay anymore, if gotten my last wish and taken care of my affairs. It's time to go. I've wasted enough time here. I leave the tear gems where they fell and flit away from the window. Chances are he'll find them. They rest in his rose garden.  
  
Good bye, Kurama. 

.  
  
sniffs Writing this actually made me cry...  
  
Hiei – Hn. Pathetic. If I hadn't already known you were a weakling to begin with I'd say you were getting soft.  
  
Shut up!! sniffs again Anyway, that's it for now. I'm thinking about doing two endings... If you don't know the possible outcomes, then I don't know what to think. If anyone supports the idea, tell me. I've wanted to see if I could write a death fic for a while now and this seems to have given me the opportunity.  
  
Hiei - shakes head Baka... walks away  
  
I think he's more OOC here then in the story... That's sad. Anyway, that's it. See ya later!!


	5. Tracking Tears

Heyla again. I'm updating a lot recently. I can tell you now that the path for this story is set, I've got everything thought out, even an epilog. I'm not really in a great mood right now; I'm worried about Zan's sister, so I'm not going to waste your time today. Post and start writing out chapter 6, after appreciating my reviewers. Can't forget that.  
  
AnimeShadow – Glad you like it. You didn't have to wait that long, huh?  
  
Zan – Well, I gave you the chapter in ten minutes, even if it took a day to update. I hope your sister's ok, and happy birthday. I'll send off your present when I finish it. I'd give you this story, but you'll hate me when it's over.  
  
ChrisOriented – Here's an Update. I already wear black...  
  
Punk Rocker Yugi – One question; if he's dead, how can you kill him? And I HATE milk.  
  
Kay – New chapter, come read.

Bar-Ohki - winces If you thought he was unsavable then, your gonna hate this. Sorry in advance. I'll try to make it, I promise.  
  
Ok, no stupid shit today. I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho, no matter how many mangas I buy. This is yaoi. I have 4 cats. Suicidal thoughts are actually not present in this chapter, as it is from Kurama's point of view. I don't like this one that much. Chapter 5...

.  
  
"Goodbye, Kaasan! I'll be back late, don't wait up!" I called back to my mother. She really is a sweet woman. She managed to worm her way into my heart years ago. Now, I'm off to Yusuke's party. He didn't even tell me why he was throwing it, though that is normal for him. He probably doesn't even know himself.  
  
"Goodbye, Shuichi! Have fun!" I hear Kaasan shout after me. A very nice woman, indeed, I should really tell her I'm not exactly her Shuichi, but why ruin her happiness? Why ruin mine, for that matter. I can't wait to get there! Yusuke said Hiei wasn't coming, but he always shows up for at least a few minutes. I can't wait to see him again! This whole day's been a blur... I'm lucky I managed to come back to my senses by the time Yusuke called; he would have been suspicious of something.  
  
Rightly so. I'm far too happy today... He probably didn't even mean anything by the kiss. A slip or something. I'm sure he'll have a reasonable explanation.  
  
Yeah right. If Hiei can explain his way out of a kiss, then he's a master liar. He really likes me! I don't ever remember feeling this good. I think I'm floating right now; I can't feel my feet on the ground. If I were to end up in a fight, there's no way I'd lose. Not even if I tried.  
  
I'm approaching the temple now. That walk went fast! I need to stop grinning... I'm sure I look like a fool. Hiei would say so, too. I can't feel his ki inside. He either hasn't shown up, or he's already left. I hope it's not the second...  
  
"Hey, Kurama! Come here!" Yusuke shouts at me as I enter the room. He looks worried. What could have happened? This is a party, for crying out loud. Everyone's supposed to be in a good mood and eating far too much junk food and drinking sake.  
  
"Yes Yusuke?" I ask quietly when I reach him. Everyone seems to be worried about something and crowded around me. What could have happened to make them all come so close to panicking like this?  
  
"Do you know what could be wrong with Hiei?" Of course he answers a question with a question. Blunt as ever. I feel my smile slip and disappear suddenly.  
  
Something's wrong? With Hiei?!  
  
"No, I haven't a clue. What happened? I saw him this morning and he was a little off, but nothing to be worried about." I don't think...  
  
"When I called him earlier and he told me he wasn't coming he looked like shit; and when he came, all he did was talk to Kuwabara! What's worse then that, he told him he was leaving and told him to look after Yukina!!" I feel the blood drain from my face.  
  
The only way he would trust Yukina's safety to anyone is if he's planning to...  
  
"No!! We have to stop him!!" I shout and shoot to my feet. What would make him want to do that? What could possibly have gone wrong in the space of a day that would make him want to kill himself?? How could he think to do such a thing? Was it only yesterday, no, this morning that he kissed me and told me he couldn't answer my questions?? What happened? Did I do something? Was he trying to tell me then what he was going to do now??  
  
"Kurama?! What are you doing?!" Yusuke put a hand on my shoulder and turned me around to face him. I could feel hot tears rolling down my face as I try to jerk away. Yusuke hold me in place and manages to make me look in his eyes. We're outside. I had run off.  
  
"He's going to try to kill himself!!!" I yell at him. He lets me go in shock, but now I have control over my body again. I had lost myself in questioning before, now to go about this as quickly and reasonably as possible. Hiei wants to die. That's all I know. What's the point of running off into the night if I don't even know where to look? The tears have stopped pouring from my eyes and the cold, rational part of my mind that is the thief takes control.  
  
We aren't going to figure out why he wants this until we find him. Look for clues to which way he might have went. A scent, footprints. Anything useful.  
  
Right. I walk around the side of the temple by where the windows leading into the party room enter the outside world. I scan the ground under the windows and the trees around them quickly for any hint that he was even here. Hiei is excellent at hiding his trail, but maybe he made a mistake. He's obviously desperate.  
  
What's that? It glints. Take it.  
  
Obeying the Youko, I reach down and pick up something shiny from the ground at the base of my roses and feel my breath hitch.  
  
A tear gem... No, two.  
  
He cried. I didn't think Hiei could cry. He was here; in this tree. I look up into the branches and quickly climb until I find he scent. It's a good thing my senses are stronger then that of a human, or I would never have found it.  
  
"Kurama!! Are you serious?!" Yusuke's below the tree now; standing in my roses. The others are standing outside the flower bed looking scared and worried. They can do nothing. I'm sure of it, though I'm not sure how.  
  
"Unfortunately, yes. I am." I say in a monotone and sniff the air unobtrusively. He went east; away from the temple and towards the mountains. Not good; hiding up there is easy. This will take a while, and there's no time!  
  
I jump gracefully from my perch to the next tree he touched when he fled. I start running and leaping through the tree road like only demons can, following his distinctive scent away from the others. I have to find him. This is my fault. Somehow, it has to be. I wish I knew how...  
  
This is no time to think. Just act, baka, you'll move faster that way.  
  
I lope across the forests, pausing momentarily now and then to make sure I haven't lost his trail. It's so hard not to think... I keep seeing him before my eyes and all that's happened since I've met him. The theft of the three treasures, my betrayal shortly after. The whole Maze Castle incident, the tournament, and his taming of the Dragon. I thought he'd died for sure then, only to see him reincarnate before my eyes and win, sparing Bui's life. I wish this time it would be so easy... He has a phenomenal way of surviving no matter the odds when others have seemingly killed him, but can he survive himself?  
  
I come across a lake while I run. His scent is heavy here, but the trail leads elsewhere. He must have been here earlier. I continue to follow the trail mindlessly, ignoring the urge to stop and look for a reason why. The only way to know for sure is to find him, and even if I do it might be too late.  
  
Just follow. Don't break now. If you break, he'll surly die.  
  
I top a mountain and stop. His trail leads down into the valley, but it's fainter here. The mist is washing it away! How can I follow if I can't find the trail! It's too dark for footprint, and he travels by trees! More tears traverse my face as I reach out desperately to find his ki, even though I know I won't find it. That's a slip he'll never make, even at a time like this. He nearly always masks it.  
  
Wait, what's that?  
  
I blink and stop my roving awareness and call it back to where I felt a spark of power, nothing more. It's far away and nearly invisible, but it's there, where the ravine is in the center of the valley.  
  
Hiei...  
  
I take off down the mountain, taking the most direct route and plowing through thorn bushes and small streams. I have to get there! I can't let this happen! It's my fault he's dong this! I pull harshly to a stop at the edge of the cliff.  
  
Down there.  
  
I nod to myself and climb down the face as quickly as I can without killing myself. That would be pointless, to die before I ever found him; stupid too, for that matter. The tears roll onward down my face and fall into the darkness below, seeking an almost imaginary point of peace; rest well earned in the depths of the night.  
  
When I nearly reach the bottom I let myself fall the last ten feet or so, landing badly and twisting my ankle in the process. I stand straight and close my eyes, seeking his energy signature again and hoping he hasn't hidden it again. Scents are impossible to pick up here; the mist is thick as the night itself and erases them as soon as they're made.  
  
Northwest.  
  
I open my eyes and trot towards where Hiei's stopped. Where he's going to...  
  
No!  
  
I run faster and freeze when I see him suddenly seem to appear not ten feet in front of me, holding his sword and soaked in blood.  
  
"HIEI!!"

.  
  
small smile What can I say, I love angst.  
  
Hiei – I'm DEAD??!  
  
Not yet. Who knows, I might save you. Think about it, you're my favorite. Why would I kill you?  
  
Hiei - glares You like to torture yourself.  
  
DO NOT!!! I just like angst, that's not torture. nods  
  
Hiei – Hn.  
  
rolls eyes Anyway guys, thanks for reading, please review! I love you all. Bye now. And everyone say a prayer for Zan's sister. Even if you don't believe in that stuff.


	6. The Next Adventure

My sincerest apologies to not updating sooner. I've told you before how easily I'm distracted, and this is only one example. This time I started reading the long fanfics for Gundam Wing (only the stories with a DuoxHeero pairing) and somehow managed to get invited to an Anime Convention in Baltimore… THAT was AWESOME!!!! I can't wait till the next one I can go to!!! And I only got to go to the last day when everything was winding down! ::sigh:: It was like a perfect world there…

THANK ZAN FOR THIS CHAPTER, SHE HELPED ME UPLOAD!!!!

Hiei - ::twitches:: Freaks everywhere.

::glares:: THEY WERE NOT FREAKS!!

Hiei - ::smirks:: I meant you and your friends.

::throws a shoe at Hiei:: JACKASS!!!! YOU'RE LUCKY I TOOK YOU ALONG!!!

Hiei - ::doesn't see her throw the shoe and gets hit in the head:: X.X

Hn. ::nods:: Good. Now to appreciate my reviews:

Bar-Ohki – (x2 reviews) Zan's sister is fine, sorry for this chapter, and your muse scares me. I just might write the other one. No worries! .

Jus Kita Again – (x3 reviews) Kurama WAS awfully cute in chapter 2, I hope so too, and I LIKE angst. ::snickers:: Sorry, replying to more then one review is hard…

Kira – I'm glad you liked the part with the colors. I actually did research on that!! ::gasp:: I really made you cry?! ::is excited:: that's every angst writers dream!!!!

Chrisoriented – I'm glad I wear black too…

What2callmyself – you DO have to calm down… ::laughs::

AgentPenguin207 – b-but… I'M a Hiei fan… Does tat mean I'm going to get killed by my own people if I don't save him? Glad you like my writing!!

Crazy Clown – If you're not an angst fan reading angst… Whatever. I won't ask. Glad you like my story!!!

Kuruna Icefire – No need to apologize. You came back, no? Me too….

Punk Rocker Yugi – Zan's my twin known as Zan Artemis who decided not to review last chapter… ::glares at twin:: I suppose it doesn't matter cause I send them to her before I post. ::shrugs:: Milk is icky, I agree. Cookies… Depends on the cookie.

Everyone who said "Don't kill Hiei!!!" – Sorry?

::pants:: That was a lot… I'm never taking that long to update again!!

Dark - ::coughs:: yeah right ::coughs::

::rolls eyes:: I don't even know where he came from. Anyway, I own nothing but the plot, which includes the weird thoughts I seem to love giving the poor guy. This is yaoi and something else finally happens!! gasp But as the rating hasn't changed, you know it's nothing serious. This chapter includes suicidal thoughts. That's right people; we're back in Hiei's head!!! ::cheers:: Chapter 6, hope you guys like it!! (I do….)

.:.:.:.:. (these get harder and harder to make as they take away more symbols...).:.:.:.:.

I run away from the temple as fast as I can heading for the crevasse I saw earlier. I was right, there should be perfect. Even with a search party, who would look? And it's far enough away that they won't get there anytime soon. I've even decided on a method. What better then taking my life with the dragon that I used to kill others as strong as myself? If I weaken my body, I won't even be able to fight back unconsciously. It's fool proof.

_As long as you really want it…_

Damn it I do! This isn't worth it anymore!! He doesn't care!! No one does… What's the point? The only reason the detective was gathering everyone and trying to get them to go after me is because I'm useful. I'm powerful enough to be a force to be reckoned with and no one messes with me. I'm the Forbidden Child for crying out loud! No one gives a damn about my well fare unless they want me dead. What kind of life is this? Why didn't I think of this before?!

_Maybe you've forgotten something. Maybe before you were right and now you've turned the wrong way. Maybe you should stop and turn back…_

NO!! I won't stop. Never. I'm done playing charades. No more masks and false friendships. I'm not putting up with this shit anymore. I should have died a long time ago. I'm merely correcting a mistake.

I reach the crevasse and jump down to the bottom, landing cat like on the ground. I don't even get injured. I walk calmly downstream until I feel like stopping and kneel next to the water, watching the rocks shift in the current.

_Nothing ever stays the same. There's always an outside force playing stream and messing everything up, even before you realize you may have had something._

Yes, and this time it was my own fatigue allowing my emotions to take over my body. It's almost as it the pebble that is my body got swept over a water fall and I'm waiting for the bottom. It's inevitable. An end of some sort. At least this way I get to choose it myself and no one else gets hurt.

I lower my hands into the cool liquid and close my eyes as it caresses my fingers, washing away everything of me. I'm not Hiei anymore. I'm a faceless entity with neither past nor future. I am. That's all there is, with only lingering pain from a nonexistent dream. It doesn't matter anymore. Even that's washing away.

I feel a single tear run down my face and fall in the water, splashing my face. I open my eyes to watch in fascination as the smooth gem rolls downstream and get wedged between to small stones before I standup and pull the other gems from my pocket. I stare at them for a moment before turning away from the stream and tossing them to the ground to find their resting place. It's the least I can do. They deserve something for existing, and it's my fault they're here. What if the were happy in whatever limbo there is before? It's not like they had a choice in the matter of what they are and how they came to be. I can't really hate them, despite them being a physical souvenir of weakness. It's not their fault.

_It's not yours either._

They settle in a rough circle and I smile slightly. How unlikely. I walk into the middle and stand still, turning my face towards the stars and soaking in what little light they bear before drawing my sword and watching the moonlight glint off the edge. Only yesterday I wanted to use it to slay dreams. Now, it helps to slay its bearer. It's a wicked blade, killer of thousands and maybe more. Some how I still like it.

I set it on the ground and free my arm and my forehead of their warding and drop them casually to the ground. Nothing special in the way they land. They merely blanket the earth in a twisted pattern at my feet.

_Your life._

I retrieve my sword from the ground and hold it before me. Where to cut… What would be the most strategic place to impale myself without killing? Probably in your side below your ribs and beside your stomach. A painful spot, but it puts you in no mortal danger. If you're a demon that is. I'm leaving the killing to the dragon. I've killed enough pathetic creatures in my life without adding another to the list.

I plunge the blade into my soft tissue and feel my flesh give way to its passage. I gasp and suppress a shudder, barely keeping from falling to my knees. I pull the sword out swiftly, ensuring more damage, and hold it before me, blood dripping down and coating the handle and my hands. Funny, they look no different then before…

I close my eyes and summon the dragon from the depths of hell. It's owes me a ride for its final release…

"HIEI!!!"

_What the hell??!_

I turn quickly towards the voice behind me and collapse into a pair of warm arms. I turn my face upward and see brilliant red hair flowing around teary green eyes.

"Ku-rama?" I choke out and feel blood run down from between my lips. I seem to have done more internal damage then I meant.

He's crying. The Fox is crying and hugging me. I let him lay his head against mine and taste his tears as the drip from his face. I summoned the dragon. It's coming. He has to leave!! It'll take him too!!

"NO!!" I yell and shove him away. He looks hurt and I hold my side tightly to try to lessen the pain. I feel the dragon come to my body and I face away from him as it pulls away from my body. I hear him gasp behind me and the arms are back around my chest, pulling me away from what I've brought to this world.

I turn around and bury my face in his chest and feel tears stinging my eyes again. He pulls me closer and puts his body between me and what was once my captive and I feel one of his arms disappear from around me. It doesn't matter what he does. Plants are no match against fire. He's going to die and it's all my fault.

Sobs rack my body as I hug him tightly. I know he's not going to leave me here. He would never do that to me. Why won't he let the dragon take me and save himself?! I can feel it approaching and an enormous amount of his ki growing into some plant. His other arm wraps around me again and he rocks me back and forth.

"Why?" I hear his voice next to my ear and I close my eyes tighter. The dragon should be hitting us in moments.

"Love… you." I manage between sobs and coughing up blood on his shirt. He's soaked in it from my wound anyway. He body goes ridged and I feel rather then hear him scream. I blink through the fog that's taking over my vision from blood loss and see his hair falling about me in silver and red and his eyes glinting gold in the green. I can feel the ki being sucked from my body and know that's what's happening to him to. Whatever plant he used seems to have merged with my dragon and now it wants to grow.

_Ironic_.

Stop the dragon and die from lack of energy. I don't even hurt anymore. I'm so tired… I hear a ripping noise from somewhere far away and open eyes that I can barely claim as mine. Through the fog I see roots everywhere, tearing through my body, through his. What ever we made decided since our bodies were starting to lack in energy it could use us as fertilizer. How degrading. Why do I still feel his arms around me when I can't feel my body being eaten by a plant?

"Let's go." I hear his voice in my ear and look up to see him and smile. He's somewhere between being the Youko and Kurama, with silver hair laced with red and fox ears. Glittering gold green eyes smile at me and he doesn't let me go.

"Our times up in this world. We have places to go and people to see." I nod and close my eyes as he pulls away from me and takes my hand. It's not over yet, he's leading me to the next adventure.

.:.:.:.:.(maybe I should put letters... They can't take away letters...).:.:.:.:.

Yes people, they're dead. DON'T KILL ME!!! IT'S A NECESSARY EVIL!!!! I fell in love with the idea I came up with for the epilogue to this ending (which isn't near as sad or gory as I was originally going to make it) and couldn't stand the thought of not getting to write it!! You can't blame me that much, can you? ::whimpers:: I'll make you a deal, If you still want Hiei to live after I post the epilogue tell me and I'll write up your alternate ending, k? I love you guys and if you decide to hate me I don't know what I'll do. Maybe I'll follow Hiei's lead…

Zan Artemis - ::hides boot behind back:: You had to reveiw at the last second... ::throws boot at Hiei::

Thanks for reading, please review!!


	7. Stems Intertwined

Over 50 reviews!!!! ::cheers:: I never told anyone, but my goal for this story once I found out that people liked it was 50 reviews by the end, and this isn't over yet!! I think I'm rather stuck making an alternate ending to appease the wrath of my dear friends who wanted them to live, so it's got a ways to go... ::sigh:: I don't know if I'm capable of a happy ending... Well, appreciate my reviewers I must, even if some of them aren't happy with me:

Zan Artemis – But I threw the boot at Hiei... Never mind. I like Nozomu, though personally I think Yuugao's better. ::cheeky grin:: Yeah, your ending needs work, but I have faith in you!! To hell with ten minutes.

Punk Rocker Yugi (and Friend) - ::starts crying hysterically and runs out of the room::

Kitty – It's a little different in this one too, but I tried. Why'd you have to bring them up??! They were dreams, nothing more!! ::glares:: And Larmo's Mary's, not mine!!!!

Bar-Ohki - ::backs away from sA:: I'm gonna start work on the alternate first thing in whenever I start working on it, probably tomorrow night after Yu Yu Hakusho!!

What2callmyself – I _defiantly_ appreciate someone complimenting the way I made them and how I chose to end it, but I'm going to try to make an alternate happy ending for all those who seem to wish to kill me. I value my life, unfortunately. Can I have some of that caffeine?

Chrisoriented – No one wants them dead!!! ::sighs:: I'm working on it...

Animechick13 – Yeah... I DO love angst...

Kira – Yeah, I know what you mean. That's kinda one of the reasons I did it. Thanks for the compliment, and I'm going to work on the alternate.

Raging Pheonix - ::scratches head:: I suppose I deserved that...

Kuruna Icefire – Thank you SO much for not being the hundred and thirty-first person to ask for an alternate ending!!! Glad you liked it!

Ryuu Ie Mizishi – Thank you! ::bows:: I made you cry too!! sighs An angst writers dream, I tell you... I love your name, does it mean something? I know very few Japanese phrases and I'm trying to expand my vocabulary... I don't know much more then 'fox' 'stupid' and 'I love you' and it would be kinda awkward if I said them to anyone... ::coughs::

Gods I love you guys, kisses for everyone!! ::holds out a giant bowl of Hershey's kisses:: Even if you do annoy the hell out of me telling me you desperately want the alternate ending I offered. Give a girl a break already!!! Oh, and extra chocolate for Chrisoriented, number 50!! Here's the epilogue. Actually not quite what I planned, but it _kinda_ sounds finished... Oh, from Yusuke's point of view, still first person.

.:.:.:.:. (::hums::) .:.:.:.:.

"It's been a year now since it happened. You know what I'm talking about, don't make me say it. It's been really... different around here without them. No snide comments from the shadows, no enlightening speeches to answer our stupid questions. Yeah, we miss 'em alright. Things just haven't been the same without 'em.

You know, I was there when it happened. If it hadn't been my friends being killed it would have been like one of those rare awesome moments in the middle of a chick flick that they put in to keep the boyfriends relatively interested." I pause for a moment and look out over the small group of people here with me. They asked me to give a speech, so here I am; saying shit off the top of my head. Genkai, that old hag, is here and Keiko too; Botan and Yukina, standing next to Kuwabara like she has been almost constantly since 'it' happened. Shizuru's standing a little off to the side with Shoiri. Don't know who invited her. Koenma's in the back. It's a real crowd. I feel like I'm 'saying a few words' at a funeral. In a way, I kinda am.

"It was... terrible. I saw Kurama hug Hiei and get pushed away right before the darkness dragon blasted from Hiei's arm and away from them. Kurama just grabbed him again and took some seeds out of his hair. I don't know what he was thinking. What chance does a plant have against a dragon from the darkest pits of the Makai?" Shoiri's crying and Shizuru's trying to comfort her. When it happened I was the one who had to tell her her son was dead. I decided to tell her the whole story. She took it pretty well except the whole breaking down and crying on my shoulder thing.

I take a shuddering breath and continue. "He started to grow an enormous tree before the dragon managed to turn around and come back at them. I don't have a clue what he was growing, but when the dragon tried to eat it, it... I don't know. It kinda merged with it I guess. It started growing faster. I think it was sucking the energy out of both their bodies... Kurama screamed and half transformed and Hiei just went real stiff. I don't even know if he felt it." Yukina just sat down real fast and covered her face with her hands; another person crying. They asked me to tell the whole story, I ain't stopping now.

"The plant thing was getting huge and I couldn't really feel their spirits anymore when it started to grow its roots through their bodies. I don't think I've ever seen so much blood in my life... The thing seemed to eat their bodies before covering them up and growing into the ground. I still have nightmares about that..." I shudder and try to keep tears from running down _my_ face. I won't tell them about how their flesh sounded when it was ripped apart by a tree, or how their bodies shuddered and convulsed before they were torn apart. I look up and everyone has tears in their eyes. They miss them too.

"When the thing was done growing, there was the most _amazing_ tree I've ever seen. Emerald green leaves lined in silver reaching towards the mouth of the canyon. The trunk's this ashy color that looks like something tried to burn it and failed. When it blooms, and it's always blooming, it bears two types of roses; silver with red edges and black with white centers. Theirs stems are intertwined." I look at the tree I'm standing in front of and touch one of the sets of roses. They're really something to look at, nothing like them in any of the three worlds. If the last set of demons who tried to pick them hadn't been eaten by the tree they'd probably be in all the demon lords' homes.

I keep talking even though everyone already knows what it looks like. Hell, I'm standing in front of the damned thing. "Hiei's sword is embedded in the bark," I say softly, running my fingers over the blade. It looks like one of the displays people put up in their living rooms. "surrounded by tear gems. It's almost like they were controlling the tree and were making sure we wouldn't forget them. Have any of you ever been here at night?" I ask suddenly and turn around to face my friends. I can feel tears rolling quietly down my face but I don't pay attention to them. Everyone else is crying too. They all shake their heads. No one else can speak.

"The mist doesn't come anywhere near this tree; it's like it's afraid of it. And in winter you can come here and there's no snow on its branches or under it. You come within ten feet and it feels like spring. Smells like it too, the roses are still blooming and the moss on the ground never dies. When it snows, all that touches anything near this tree is a warm rain. I think it's the dragon that does that. It doesn't like the cold." I'm just talking now, it's like I need to get all this off my chest. I don't know why. Maybe I just want them to know how often I come here or something.

"It feels like they're still here." I whisper and turn halfway towards the tree. "I keep thinking that if I look hard enough I'll see Hiei sleeping in the branches, or Kurama'll come out from behind the tree laughing and saying it was a bad joke. I keep hearing both their voices when we're on missions, saying all the stuff they used to say. When I turn around I'm almost surprised they aren't there." Some one puts a hand on my shoulder. I turn slightly and see Keiko trying to give me some sort of comfort.

"We all miss them, Yusuke." She whispers calmly, tears falling from her eyes as she blinks. "You're not the only one who hears them sometimes." I pull away quickly and keep moving away from her until my back's pressed against the bark, and the blade, of the tree.

"You don't get it, Keiko." I whisper thickly, looking anywhere but her face. "I hear them all the time. Half the time I think I see them too. They weren't supposed to die!! I could have stopped it!" I completely break down and fall to the ground staring at my hands. "I _knew_ something was wrong with Hiei. I was the saw him when I called and he looked like shit. I should have known something big was up, but I didn't. I ignored my instincts to tell Kurama about it and just thought he'd been in a bad fight or something. _Nothing_ ever got to Hiei like that!! Especially not a fight! It looked like he'd been crying or something!! I should have known what he was going to do!"

"Yusuke!" I think Genkai's shaking my shoulders trying to bring me back of my rant. Not gonna happen.

"Then later at the party, I saw him talking to Kuwabara. I thought it was weird and was going to go over, but then I decided it was his business until I saw his eyes flash like someone had hurt him or something. _Then_ I tried to go over and help him, but he left through the window before I could do anything!! I should have gone over when I first saw him!! I could have stopped him from leaving!! Then when Kurama showed up and took off outside, I didn't really try to stop him either. By then even _I_ had figured out what Hiei was trying to do. _I could have stopped Kurama too!_ I could have saved _one_ of them!! But did I?" Someone slaps my face hard and I let my head loll against my shoulder.

"You incompetent fool!! It wasn't your fault! It wasn't anyone's!! Will you quit blaming yourself and let it go! You have nothing to feel guilty over. If you don't get over the flaw in your character that makes you blame yourself for everything you're going to do something stupid!! I'm not going to lose my heir over something as stupid as misplaced guilt!"

I blink up at Genkai as she stands over me with tears flowing from her eyes. "I'm... sorry. I shouldn't have said any of that. It might not be my fault, but it still feels like it, you know?" I whisper and stand up. Kieko shows up besides me and hugs me.

"It's ok, Yusuke. We understand. We all feel like we could have done something, it just all happened so fast. There was nothing any of us could do." Now I know why I love this girl, she always knows the right thing to say. I wrap my arms tightly around her waist and stand like that for a long moment before pulling away.

"I think it's time to head back." Koenma finally speaks up and turns to walk away. Kuwabara follows, supporting Yukina. She's really taken the loss of her brother hard. Shoiri and Shizuru go next, with Genkai Keiko and me coming up at the end. We make a weird parade heading back up the steps I made and through the forest. I pause at the top of the ravine and look back at the tree.

"Maybe they were trying to tell us something with that." I say, pointing at the leaves that are very visible from where I stand.

Keiko looks too and smiles slightly. "Yes, I think they were, too." She whispers before turning and walking away. I wonder what she thinks they were saying... I haven't got a clue.

_The End? God I hope so..._

.:.:.:.:. (one down, one to go...) .:.:.:.:.

Ok, Yusuke was NOT supposed to go on a major guilt trip. ::glares:: Can anyone figure out what I loved about the idea of this epilogue who I HAVEN'T previously told? ::looks pointedly and Zan and Kitty:: You two can't answer.

Hiei – It's not like anyone cares.

Will you just shut up and go to hell?!

Hiei - ::rolls eyes:: Been there, done that.

::sighs:: Well, that was that ending. Does anyone still want a different one?

Thank you for reading be kind and review!! There's no food in my house and they keep me going!!


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